The Blarney Stone

Sav...oh, hugs to you. Hugs and applause for confronting this head-on and your bravery to take the controls back in your life. Life didn't crush you like an aluminum can. No, it sanded you until your diamond exterior shone through. It's so, so difficult, BEYOND WORDS! to even attempt living life normally when you're trapped in your own mental prison, where from the outside your loved ones are unempathetically cheering what you don't want to hear, telling you, "There's nothing wrong," or, "You're supposed to be normal! We expect you to act where you fit into our box! Sadness is not allowed!" Sigh. Self-esteem is a never-ending project, isn't it? Like a former overeater who lost weight but continues to crave food because his body is used to the ample state, the mind haunted by depression cannot shrug off its willowy shroud. I can say that through and through, and I must ask God to pick me up and give me sunshine, a purpose to live, and the strength to put my feet on the floor in the mornings. Suffice to say, this poem nearly brought me to tears.

I just listened to a sermon on happiness by Tim Keller ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpFVO6… ) and (while preaching to myself) gleaned something beautiful: happiness is not determined by your circumstances, but it is who you are on the inside that determines your exterior projection, despite the circumstances. That's why wealthy, healthy people who are discontent with their (Freudian speaking) egos cannot push through and find happiness. I'm beginning to see, as I'm sure you are, that despite the medicine and the laughs and the compliments, sometimes it isn't enough. But we must rest in the faith that our home, our world, is not here; it instead resides with the one who gives us strength. And when we count our blessings in a compelling way, understanding God as a caring father who wants our best and not a rugged tyrant. That gives us peace.